In my previous post about signs I forgot to mention the blue orbs. When we went to Jamaica two days in a row there was a rainbow circling the sun. In the pictures both days there is a blue orb. Some time about a month later at home I again saw a rainbow around the sun. And in the picture there is a blue orb.
I heard all sorts of different explanations for the orb. Some were quick to explain the scientific reason orbs may show up in pictures. Something about the light and dust and angle of the camera. Others truly believe that the orbs represent spirits trying to communicate with you. Blue orbs supposedly indicate spirit guides or a guardian angel. I have taken many pictures of many rainbows and sunrises and sunsets and not once have I had these show up in pictures until after Ariella died.
Ariella’s friend’s mom sent me some pictures yesterday she took of her daughter. Her daughter was talking about Ariella, about how they would have danced with the fountains together, right before these photos were taken. In every picture she took of her daughter, the orb was there.
She too has taken many pictures at this place and never once seen these in the pictures. As I mentioned in my previous post, I’m skeptical about signs but this does give me something to think about.
On another note, my safe place wasn’t so safe today. I’ve finally been going to the gym or running fairly regularly but today at the gym I was triggered by a song. I had to go in the locker room and have a good cry for several minutes. And that’s why I get so hesitant to go out. I never know what’s going to trigger me. Well right now everything is a trigger. Everything either reminds me of or makes me think of Ariella. But in this case it hit much harder and I couldn’t hold it back. After several minutes I was able to pull myself together and finish my workout. I just hate knowing that this could happen again at any time, even in public.
Going out alone right now is like walking through a minefield. I’ve only really been to the grocery store or post office by myself. Post office was generally okay but the grocery store has been difficult. I am worried about running into people, mostly people I don’t know well. I’m worried about having to talk to people if I’m not up for talking. I’m worried about having to tell someone who doesn’t already know. I’m worried about being triggered and having another public breakdown. I feel like I’m tiptoeing through the store, peeking down each aisle to make sure it’s safe. Have to dodge all the potential bombs. It’s exhausting. Forget about going to stores like Target or other retail shops. Just the thought makes me panic. The people, the lights, the noise, all the items I would buy for Ariella, it’s all so overstimulating and the thought of it alone is enough to raise my heart rate.
The other issue I have is my distractibility. I lose focus very easily so I find myself in the store staring off into space or just stopping in the middle of an aisle. It’s hard to find what I’m looking for on the shelves and I just feel so exposed. It’s crippling.
Some days it’s not even minute by minute. Some days it’s second by second.
I can understand how you feel about the triggers and going out. If you want, I can go to stores with you and/or pick up what you need, whichever is best right now for you. I’ve broken down several times in public and people have asked if I’m okay. I usually just say I had a recent death in the family and it still hits me. People are pretty understanding and kind whether they are strangers or friends. I love you and will do anything I can to help so if you want to get to a store I am glad to go with you.
I believe those orbs are Ariella letting you and other loved ones know she is there.
My heart is breaking on the other side of the world for you. 💔 Please know your precious daughter and your family is loved and remembered even on the other side of the earth. ❤️
I think you should be so proud of yourself for being able to pull it together and finish your workout. You probably wouldn’t have been able to do that even last week or a few days ago.