Just came back from vacation in the Dominican Republic. This was a long time coming; we were supposed to go in June 2020 but maybe it worked out for the best. With the way this school year has been going I certainly needed the vacation so it came at the perfect time. This was an all-expenses paid, all-inclusive vacation gifted to us by Team Campbell Foundation (https://teamcampbellfoundation.org/). Unlike our other trips for bereaved parents, the various retreats we have attended, this was just a vacation. The retreats are extremely beneficial, therapeutic and sometimes healing, but they are most definitely not relaxing. They are agonizing and heartbreaking. Not really a chance to connect with your partner but more a chance to connect with other families which is incredible but also exhausting. Sharing your own grief can help lighten the load but taking on the grief of others can be burdensome. This vacation was just that, a vacation. Relaxing mostly, active when we needed a change, and overall just peaceful.
After a long Saturday of travelling we toasted our arrival with some beers.
Arriving at the resort we were eager to explore the property and take in the beauty of the area. We quickly settled into our routine of relaxing at the pool or beach, eating, and sometimes working out. The weather was beautiful and you couldn’t beat the scenery. It was quite calming just being there.
Though calm is good, after several days of taking it slow and easy David and I were both getting antsy so decided to go on a couple of adventures. The first was zip lining. This was something that fearless Ariella would have loved and it was impossible not to imagine her with us, soaring over the trees, screaming with laughter.
Our other off-resort adventure was dune buggies. Another one Ariella probably would have liked though it’s difficult to completely say. She would have loved the bouncing and speed but not so much the dust blowing in her face. As part of this excursion we got to swim in a cool little cave, taste some coffee and chocolate, and learn a little about the Dominican history.
It was a nice vacation. Plenty of downtime with just the right amount of activity. Time to reconnect without life to get in the way. But there were lots of families with children there. And I couldn’t stop thinking about what a beautiful family vacation that would have been. I couldn’t help but wonder what Ariella would do. At 14 she probably would have ditched us and spent her time in the teen area. She would have complained about being bored in the ocean. The waves weren’t big enough for her. She would have loved the ziplining and would have wanted to go snorkeling. But I can’t know for sure. The Ariella I know is forever stuck at 11. Who knows what her likes and dislikes would be now? Who knows who she would be? So I’m left imagining. Even though this was a place none of us had ever been, her absence was immensely felt. This is life now. Never completely content. Never able to be fully at peace.
We are so grateful to Team Campbell Foundation for giving us the gift of time free from distractions, the gift of connection, the gift of sunshine and warmth, and the gift of some quiet. It was much needed and quite restorative.