I had sat down to write a New Year’s blog but before I started actually writing I took a look at what I wrote last year (linked below) and a lot of it still holds true. And there are some changes. The holidays are still very hard. In fact this year felt the hardest yet and I found myself huddled on the floor crying several times. I was actually ready to go back to work after the break. Ready for stability and predictably (as predictable as my job can be). And there was also a change there. I lit the Chanukah candles for the first time since Ariella died. As cliche as it may sound, I found lightness in the dark. This year during the holidays I didn’t feel bitterness, anger, or resentment (all of which were in abundance last year). I only felt sadness. So while it felt impossible that I would get through those days I also felt more at peace. Quite the paradox. The most significant change though is this year I have a new sense of optimism. I know that I will be okay. I know that I can be happy even if it is in concert with sadness. I am actually looking forward to seeing what this year will bring. Happy New Year!
Trying to navigate through life after the death of a child