I can’t not write about this. This pandemic provides a fascinating study in human behavior. David and I did our weekly shopping Saturday morning. We go to Trader Joe’s and are always there on the early side. But this day we wanted to be sure to be there right when they opened. And we were. Along with the rest of the community it seemed. But I was pleasantly surprised. The shopping itself felt frenetic, but mostly due to the sheer number of people in the store. The aisles are narrow and it was hard to get around. But most people were reasonable (other than the guy that was running through the store and slammed into David with his cart) and not hoarding (except for the lady with 10 packs of meat, all of the frozen vegetables, and multiple gallons of milk). David found a pack of toilet paper that we didn’t need, made a joke about selling it and put it back on the shelf. No one around us then fought for that last pack. Overall the mood in the store was pleasant. Making jokes for some levity, understanding we are all in the same boat (except that one lady who didn’t seem to give a shit), and just getting along. Though they had to have been exhausted and frazzled, the Trader Joe’s employees had big smiles and were friendly and helpful, as usual. We were able to get everything we needed that Trader Joe’s carries, except cabbage. We knew we would also have to go to Wegman’s to pick up some things Trader Joe’s doesn’t carry. I was pleasantly surprised there as well. Though there were people in the store it wasn’t nearly as frenzied as Trader Joe’s. Of course the store is bigger so everyone was more spread out. A lot of things were picked over but again, with the exception of a couple of people with cases and cases of water, most people seemed to be reasonable and rational. In the media we see the worst. We see the worst in people, we see the worst case scenario, we see the panic. We see so much of the bad that we often overlook the good. But the good is there and the good is how we are going to get through this.
In my previous post I said I wasn’t worried about the virus. I’m not. But I’m extremely unsettled, as I’m sure most of us are. All the talk of ventilators and ICUs and lungs and breathing brings me back to exactly one year ago, when that was our life. I was already thinking and thinking about that time and am having the same feelings, same anxiety, same emotions. More than just remembering, I am living it again. The only thing that has kept me sane was exercise. Going to the gym is not the right thing to do (and as I am writing this Governor Hogan just issued an order closing all gyms among other things) and I hurt my leg running a couple of weeks ago so I can’t run. I went for a walk but it just doesn’t have the same affect. Without exercise I feel even more restless, unsettled, anxious, and stressed. I am desperate and actually ordered a Peloton bike. Won’t be here until the 31st though. Without working and with no place to go, there are so many more hours in the day to fill. Much more time just to think, be alone with my thoughts. It’s not a good thing. As challenging as I know the next few (or more) weeks will be for parents, I would give anything, ANYTHING to be in that position. So please, please just stop complaining about being quarantined with your kids. You are not special, you are not the only ones in that situation, and complaining doesn’t get you anywhere. The individual complaints are just plain ridiculous. Because this affects EVERYONE. David and I were supposed to go to Boston in a couple of weeks. See some friends and support another foundation. We don’t have much to look forward to so when we do, it helps us get through the days. It’s disappointing, yes, but everyone across the country is dealing with disappointment. Instead of complaining, think about how you can help. How you can make things better. And be there for those who may find this even more crippling because of their personal life experiences.
I started this post talking about human behavior. And you see all types in times like this. Those who are helpful and those who cause harm. Those who worry about the greater good and those who are selfish and will do whatever the hell they want because this is a free country. But along with that I think mental health gets lost. Anxiety is serious and does lead to some of this behavior we are seeing. The feeling of having no control and trying to exert whatever control we can over a situation. I learned in February 2017 that no matter what we do, we do not have ultimate control. But for others, this may be the first time they really feel a sense of that loss of control. Some have the capability to take this in stride, go with the flow but others may not. So do what you can to help. To not make things worse. To be there for those who may not be doing so well.
Very insightful observations, Erica. I have been thinking about your family and how your lives a year ago mirror somewhat what we are all facing today. Especially the uncertainty. Sure we can make sure we have supplies, food, etc. But will each one of us be given the time, physical health, etc. to use what we have stored? I guess the answer is the answer you arrived at…live each day as fully as you can, smile as you relive beautiful memories, and try not to forget about the future. One day at a time, girlfriend. Hugs.
Erica
Beautiful writing, and right on point with how people behave in times of stress. Loss of control does cause more anxiety for people which does drive their behaviors. In terms of people complaining, yes they don’t look at the beauty of their lives and become grateful. Mindfulness, gratitude, selflessness, and contributing to others, is not so prevalent as we would like to think in the US.
My front door is open to you, literally, if you ever want to stop by. We think of you and David a lot and what you have been through. Sometimes it is difficult to put into words, when seeing people who have suffered so much, but thoughts of compassion still remain. I remember seeing you, David, and Ariel, a week before the diagnosis, and was thinking what a beautiful little girl, and family. I will pm you our phone numbers. In this time of being home, which I actually cherish, we still have neighbors that care way beyond what you may think. I just started to walk over at the park, so if you would like to join me, it would be great.
Yes, the orbs are her spirit’s way of visiting you as she Is a part of you and shall always remain a part of you. She sees that you are grieving, and I do believe that birds, butterflies, dragonflies and certain ‘signs’ that are shown to youig: shapes of clouds. I also feel that animals can sense a spirit, and perhaps she visits the dog. Who can say? It has been said little children can see the spirits of the deceased as babies. I believe this to be true. Esp., if they lost their Daddy, he may come back to visit them so he gets a little more time, but you will have telltale signs, such as, scents of a cologne, or perfume, it is them saying hello, to let you know that it ~Will Be ok. They I feel, can sense our sadness, and they feel they must help some way. I Do believe in All of it! Once your body is gone, the spirit lives on. I have had it happen to me, and friends too. We have taken photos, w/orbs both at different times, and it is a message to a loved one from a loved one who has crossed over. One Easter after my Father had passed, I was driving to my Mother’s for Easter dinner, and as I was thinking how Dad was, in front of me across 4 lanes of highway landing right UPON my lane~ there was a rainbow! I was stunned, as I drove through it, I just looked at a few other cars excited thinking, “We just drove Thru a Rainbow!” How often does That happen?!? I had forgotten that incident, but it just came to me, I felt He was telling me He was with me! It is so close to Easter, be on the lookout for unusual things. Children Love Easter, so Don’t let it get you down, let it LIFT you UP!! Rainbows are real signs of love, colored rays of sun too… I witnessed what I never thought I’d see, and drove thru it too! The bottom of a rainbow. It was the best gift ever. I never forgot that rush I got, knowing he felt my thoughts. Who are we to say what our loved ones who have crossed over can do? Playing us a song at a certain day? I had a good friend, 213 was his birthday, & address. I will always seem to catch the clock@ 2:13, am or pm, and I feel he is sending me a sign. It is not merely coincidental, I feel they are truly reaching Out to help us. I put flowers on his grave, & a Veteran’s flag @ every holiday for them! I know he had a deep love for me~ 45yrs is a long time to be a close friend. These signs ARE real! Put your faith in the Lord and you shall be blessed w/more. The breakdowns are a given…and hard to prevent. Try to go to different stores ’til the pain eases a bit. You will never be without her, because she was a Part of YOU! Reminders, will eventually make you smile, later on. The orbs are Real though! I have had them happen a Lot! God Bless you and carry you through this difficult time. Her life may have been brief, but look at all the happiness she had brought into your life. You will meet up w/her again in the future when you cross over and go Home. Hugs to you I do hope you take comfort in seeing those signs, for they Are our loved ones doing what only they can do, not to upset you, but to say Hey I am still With You! I’ve had many occurrences, but I take them as Blessings… a way of communicating with us. You should too! I am not fearful of rejoining my loved ones. As they will be awaiting my arrival there. #Blessings are very Real. Peace be with you. Teri Hertler