The other day David and I had the daunting task of designing Ariella’s gravestone. Add that to the list of things we never thought we would have to do when we became parents. Here we are, trying to sum up Ariella’s life in just a little bit of space. She may have lived only 11 years but her essence could fill a book. We had to decide what was important enough to be engraved permanently, to be the eternal proof that Ariella existed. But it’s all important. We of course used the relationships daughter, granddaughter, friend. But this was not who she is, or was. Yes, she is those things but she is more than those things. She is not defined by her relationships with others. She isn’t important because she is our daughter. She is important in her own right. She is her own person, with her own identify. A larger than life personality. How can we possibly convey who she really was in just a few words?
I want the world to know Ariella as Ariella. I want the world to know that she was kind and generous, worrying about others even when she wasn’t feeling well herself. I want them to know that she was sweet and loving but had a temper and an attitude. That she mastered the art of the eye roll but also the art of bear hugs. The world should know that she never stopped talking and that she was silly and goofy as could be. She could always make me laugh and always cheer me up. She was fiercely independent but also loved spending time together as a family. I want them to see her spunk. Her sass. Her quirks. The traits that made Ariella unique and special. The characteristics that made her the stunning person she was.
Years from now, what will those who happen to see Ariella’s gravestone think about her? They will be able to tell that she was a child, and a dancer. That she was mischievous. And that she had cancer or some sort of illness. That’s not enough. That is not nearly enough. Those who live full lives get to leave their marks on this world many times over. Yes Ariella left a mark. But she was only just beginning. There are countless people that never got to meet her, never got to know her. People she would have met along the way, during the course of her lifetime. People who would see the truly wonderful person she was. She was robbed. We were robbed. The world was robbed.
It is tragic that in the end, we are all reduced to (hopefully) carefully chosen words permanently etched in the ground, with only memories left to keep us alive. It is more tragic for a child, who had so much living left to do. Who never got to be wife, mother, grandmother. Who missed out on so many opportunities to make an impression, meet someone else to carry their memories. Nothing terrifies a bereaved parent more than the though of their child being forgotten.