MD Trek Day 7 and the Week as a Whole

As mentioned previously I didn’t join this trek as a way of finding myself. I joined for Ariella of course, and the other children, and to challenge myself, but I wasn’t expecting any kind of aha moment. But there were serendipitous moments where I truly felt happy and I realized that I don’t need to suffer any more. That doesn’t mean the pain is gone, but I can find the things that bring some happiness and let go of those that don’t.

In all honesty most of Day 7 is kind of a wash for me. It’s mostly biking so I’m not doing much trekking until about 2 miles outside of OC, which of course is upsetting. I did get in some running miles before we rolled out giving me some of that movement and physicality I crave and at least allowed me to make up some missed miles.

The finale of the trek was a 2-mile walk into Ocean City, MD, all the way into the ocean. This was absolutely the most challenging leg of the trek for me. The last time I was in Ocean City was with Ariella. She loved everything about Ocean City, the beach, the ocean, the rides (the bigger and faster the better), the boardwalk, the haunted house. Just being there brought back so many memories. My emotions were impossible to manage and I didn’t try. The tears were flowing, I was holding the kids we walked for, both in my hands on the sign and in my heart, and made that painful trek down the boardwalk, across the beach, into the ocean. Before we got to the water I saw Ariella’s friend and just grabbed her and held her, missing so much the feeling of Ariella in my arms, her arms squeezing me tight. The tears kept falling. Arm-in-arm David, Sydney, and I walked down to the edge of the world and stepped into the water with the rest of the trek team. This was it. One challenging week. And it was exciting and happy and we were all so proud and accomplished, and I was so very sad. After others came out of the water I just stood at its edge, staring out into the beyond, and just felt so small. I should have felt larger than life and in some ways I did but I also just felt so insignificant. I was overwhelmed just trying to take it all in. I wanted to walk all the way into the water and just let the current carry me away. As we walked away from the water I felt I was walking away from something rather than back toward something. Maybe a little of both.

I cannot possibly capture the emotions and essence of the trek with mere words. It’s something you just have to experience. It is inspiring, it is overwhelming, it is challenging, it is exhausting. Emotions run high. There were times it was fun and stretches that were boring. It brings out every emotion possible. Everyone had their moments where they felt strong and unstoppable and their moments where they struggled. But we all had each others’ backs and encouraged each other through those challenging times. Looking back to the beginning of the week, it all seems so surreal. Sunday seems so far away and yet the week flew by. We were completely out of real life for a week, in a trek bubble. Early mornings, long days, and being with the same people day in and out. The idea of completing something so magnificent is quite daunting but when you are out there walking, time just passes, and somehow so do the miles. It became meditative and therapeutic. We spent all our time with our fellow trekkers and incredible support team. Strangers to begin with we quickly bonded and became a family. We learned each others’ quirks and habits and there was a lot of good-natured teasing and humor. It is a special thing to share this experience with others.

I’m not ready or able to begin processing this experience and I’m not sure how to go back to reality. But I have learned some things about myself and rediscovered parts of me that I forgot existed. I have been living in the dark for so long and I feel like I am now emerging into the light.

On the way home, coming off the high of the culmination of the week, we learned of a second relapse of another child we know. Life sure is a rollercoaster.